Archive for February, 2012
|Reflections from a 28 year old college freshman
Thursday, February 2nd, 2012
Ok, first off, doesn’t “The 28 year old freshman” sound like a name for a sitcom, or movie a la “40 year old virgin”?.
I got accepted to Berklee on the 31st of January. Today, I have been thinking about my life so far, education, and passion. Here is what I have learned.
What motivates me to learn is specific, useable, knowledge. There are few subjects I will listen to for the “that’s interesting” factor. Something in my brain demands focus. It’s almost like, if I don’t plan on getting good at it, I would rather be ignorant of the subject. Take me and computers for example. I am, as my brother used to call me, a “techtard”. I first learned to attach a file when I was in my early twenties, embarrassing.
The other side of this coin is that when I do chose to learn, I go after it with zeal and an almost autistic fascination with the subject. I decide to pursue the subject past the point of intermediate ability. If the average person feels satisfied at 50% proficiency, I have to get to 80%. Maybe it’s a guy thing, that need to show competence. As Napoleon Dynamite wisely said, “girls only want guys with skills”.
My twenties, so far at least, has been about trying on different hats. Some were inherited and some were of my own discovery. Teenage Joseph had several futures bubbling around in his brain. The European life experience, the karate athlete and karate teacher, the religious worker, the entrepreneur, etc..
If you know me, you know I have tried many of the aforementioned lifestyles on for size. The problem has been this: for every step one goes forward in pursuit of any goal or dream, one has to be able to look down into the soul and see that your goal and your “guts” are a match. I was pretty damn good at karate, but inside, I always knew it was close, but not a perfect match to what was in my heart to do.
But three years ago, I made a profound discovery. At twenty five, I felt like I came to understand myself for the first time. What gives me the most pleasure in the life is writing songs, recording them, and playing them for people. There is not a more fulfilling task. More than that, I can’t escape it, I am wired for this.
My brain is always working on new ideas, I can’t turn it off. I can’t read something or listen to a conversation without gathering words and feelings from things, and trying to fit them into rhyming couplets.
I feel like I have finally found the “match”. There is no promise that this will add up to anything but struggle, but I am still content.
Years ago, I was talking to Bradley about music, and we came up with this phrase of “being willing to embarrass yourself for the thing you loved”. I have done that.
Just for fun, here are some things I have experienced while pursuing this thing I love
- The day before I was supposed to go in the studio for my first recording, a certain prominent Mt. Pleasant studio owner cancelled my session and said the following about me:
“I’ve seen far too many folks with “American Idol” disease, thinking they have what it takes. I can tell from what you told me yesterday that you don’t.”
- I applied for the Danish songwriting conservatory last year. I was told, that not only was I not good enough to make the final cut, I was not good enough to make it out of the first round.
- The hardest thing has probably been the general cold shoulder you get from people when you are going after something that isn’t “safe”. It sucks when you feel like people think you are a bit silly; that never said but often felt “maybe you just aren’t cut out for this”.
I am under no illusion that getting into Berklee means I have arrived, quite the opposite. But it does mean something. To me, it means this: in spite of all the opposition and rejection I may one day reach the level of mastery and success in music that I can envision in my head.
Thanks to everyone who has been kind to me on my journey. We are all becoming, and I hope for you that your goals match your guts. J
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
