Joseph Coker

reflections on my brother pt. 1

Saturday, March 12th, 2011

Bradley encouraging me while I tell him how nervous I was after winning my first match at the nationals

I have so much to say about Bradley.  Anyone who really knew him understands exactly what I mean.   I don’t really think I need to defend my motivations for sharing about him in such a public forum, but suffice it to say I want to fill in the picture of him.  As much as people tried to represent him accurately in different writings and in the memorial service, I feel like there is so much more that can be said about him.

I bristle when people say that “it was his time” or “his work on earth was done”.  I know its well meant, but I just don’t agree.  Bradley’s work was not done.  He left a lot unfinished.

But knowing Bradley, even if he lived to be 90, he would have left something unfinished.  He always had his hands in something.  He was always active.

Bradley was so multi-faceted.  I think people have belabored the point of his spiritual side so I feel no need to expound there, but he was so much more.  Bradley was funny, really funny.  He was wise, and he was not afraid of a fight.  His love, his faith in people, his humor, his wisdom;  I will feel the absence of those till I get to see him again.

We talked on the phone every week, he was so good about staying in touch.  He would always be sending me some funny picture on his iphone.  One week it was a house he was working on, another time it would be a shot of some in a Walmart with a crazy mullet.  He was always communicating.

Bradley and I had such a strange relationship.  On one hand, he was such an obvious source of strength to me.  At the same time, I know he took strength from our brotherhood, and for that I am very grateful.

With all due respect to my dad, in some ways Bradley fathered me.  In some ways we were like twins.  In other ways we were like friends who took turns hurting each other and making up.  As time went on and I grew up a bit, he took less of a hands on roll in my life, but two elements always remained; his consistent voice of affirmation over my life, and the sense that we were iron sharpening iron.

Bradley did his best to protect me.  I remember one time when our family was in the middle of a very volatile conflict, I was witness to a horrific falling out between some family members.  I must of been 8 years old, and I was just slumped in the front seat of a car crying my eyes out.  Bradley came out to me, and tried to distract me from all the arguing by showing me how he could grab the rim on the basketball goal in the yard.  When others were not doing the protecting, Bradley stepped in and would do his best.

Another time, I remember he was a teenager and was staying with us.  He would be sleeping on the couch, and I would remember him coming into my room and picking me up in the middle of the night and bringing me to the living room to sleep on the couch with him because he had some bad dreams.  I don’t know why my prescence made him feel better, but I am glad it did.

I saw “The Fighter” the other night with Lindsay.  When it came to the last scene (I will let you see it for yourself), I just lost it.  What hit me was this; no matter what I build or achieve in my life, no matter what great things I may do, Bradley will never get to see it, from earth at least.  That is quite a loss to me.

But as I write this, I think that maybe that is not entirely true.  Bradley saw big things in me when he was down here.  In the darkest times of my life, when I felt like the whole world was against me, I could always look into my heart and realize that Bradley was out there somewhere in the world with 100% faith in me to succeed.  And it went both ways.  We were two brothers in the trenches, but its like we had one heart.  Losing him feels like losing my soul.

Bradley never gave up on the people he believed in. I want to be like that with the people I love.

P.S.  Thanks to the scores of people who have shown kindness to my family during this time.  We are so thankful.  And the email subscription button is out of whack right now, sorry for the inconvenience.

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for Bradley

Monday, March 7th, 2011

My beautiful brother, the best man I ever knew, is gone.  I have a lot to say about it but I am in no rush to do so.  Bradley was so multifaceted, he was complex.  He loved and was loved by so many people.  Karate friends, school friends, business friends, church friends, Bradley couldn’t go anywhere without being known.  I miss him terribly.  I love him so much.

Thank you to everyone who came to the memorial yesterday, it was very moving to see all the different people that loved my brother.  I know he loved you guys as well.  Here is the lyrics to the song from yesterday, its the most I can say about him now.

World without End

V1

The world is thirty-four years old today

Joining his voice with all the angels and saints

And every tear he cried is wiped away

But down here without him

Things will never be the same

CH

Is this the end

Is this the end of

Is this the end of the world    (x2)

No, its not the end of the world

V2

The world is hiding in the hand of God

But still theres a shotgun blast inside our hearts

Ears ring with every dream he never saw

It wasn’t supposed to end ths way

CH

Is this the end

Is this the end of

Is this the end of the world   (x2)

BR

I tried……to talk to you

Talking…..but I’m never getting through

I tried…..to talk to you Bradley           (x2)

I tried…..

I tried……

I tried…..Bradley

But this is not the end

No this is not the end

No this is not the end

No this is not the end   (x2)

I see a world without end

I see a world without end

I see a world without end

I see a…..

World without end

I see a world without end

I see a world without end

I see a…

Im gonna see you in the world without end

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Big rocks fear little hammers

Sunday, February 13th, 2011

Everyone has seen this in a cartoon.  Two characters are called upon to smash some giant rock.   One character walks around said rock, finds some tiny spot on the rock’s surface, hits the big rock in the perfect place, and then the whole thing crumbles into gravel.  I like that concept.  I think many things in life are like that.

If you have ever had your day ruined or made by someone else’s throw away comment, you know exactly what I mean.

(paraphrase alert, do your own homework for the most accurate info)

In the Christian tradition, there is a lot of talk about the two different greek words for “word”.  The common one is “logos”, this refers to the general accumulated words of God and the prophets so to speak.  The other word is “rhema” which means a living word.  I love that delineation.

I think the “rhema” word is the little hammer.  Its the quiet idea that solves the loud problem.  Its the soft answer that turns away anger.  Its the one melody line that changes the entire song.

Learn to listen for the “rhemas”, they are your little hammers.  They are everywhere, but they don’t raise their voice.  Learn to listen.  Big rocks are afraid of little hammers.

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This really moved me

Friday, February 11th, 2011

Even the best have to work on what they have sometimes.  To those of you always trying to get better, keep at it.

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My Celebrity Diet

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

When, not IF I become a big, fat, jaded celebrity, I want my diet to be just the same as this.  Elvis ate cheeseburgers and banana splits while his assistants pumped drugs into him, I will eat like a T-Rex.  Who know, this may become the new fad diet in a few years.       Everyone needs a bit of unicorn in the diet every now and then.

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Waiting to feel good

Sunday, February 6th, 2011

Whenever I force myself to accomplish something that I have been putting off for one reason or another, I always take a moment to reflect.  I think about how much I didn’t want to do that, and how good it was for me, then I do something that may sound silly. I let myself feel good about it.

Something in the spirit of our culture is always trying to cram a sense of anxiety and restlessness into our hearts.  I think its like this because its easier to sell something to an unhappy person than to a content one.  Sometimes its good to remember that you can give your self permission to be happy in any situation.

Don’t cave in to restlessness.  Don’t wait to be happy.  Get what you need to do done, than give yourself an emotional pat on the back for it.

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How many books are you going to read this year???

Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

I am a firm believer that, in many fields, the best information is still found in books.  Maybe that will change (obviously this slowly becoming less true every day), but one thing I have learned about developing your dream, your career, your hobby, your relationship,  your spiritual walk, etc..  you have to feed the fire.

If you want to be an author, you have to read.  If you want to learn a foreign language, you have to read.  If you want to be great in a certain field, read the biographies of great people.  The gold is out there, the truth is out there, you have to search.

Books feed the fire.  Soak your mind in them.  Books can and do change people’s lives everyday.  Wanna change your life?  Pick up a book.  5 pages a day will get you further than you think.

How many books have I read this year? 2.  How many will I have read by December 31, 52.  Thats what I am aiming at.  What about you?

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No conservatory for this fella

Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

Yeah, yeah, it sucks.

Wanna hear whats worse?  My application wasn’t even deemed worthy of consideration, ooooohhh burn.

Long story short, you turn in your application and they grade it.  You must have a 10 or 12 (Europe grading scale, U.S. friends, just google it).  And mine was deemed a 4.  Damn, they listened to some of my best songs and they didn’t even consider them chance worthy.  Okay, okay, you may point out that there were like 170 odd other people gunning for the six available seats but still, I am pretty pissed.  A 4.  FRRRRRAAACCCKKK

Ok, I am over it now.  Its just such a bad feeling to get a rejection letter.  I find it also amusing how vague, generally unhelpful, and “stand-offish”  the communications I have had with the school have been both before and after I turned in my application.

Maybe I am just whining but it almost seems like they have this attitude of “we are the best, that exscuses us from being helpful or informative in all correspondences”.  Meanwhile, Berklee school of music in Boston, the best contemporary school of music in the world (Bonnie Raitt and John Mayer went there just to name a few) are crazy friendly…. like homeschooler just out on the weekend friendly.

I have said my peace.  Back to the real work of creating.  I heard some guys talking about the conservatory today in a cafe.  One of them said that “unless you know who you are musically before you go in, you won’t necessarily find that out by going in”.  Thats a comforting thought.

I will write a song about it, move on, and keep working on my craft.    Sometimes not getting what you want is the best thing that ever happens to you.  But a 4?  Screw you guys (cartman voice)

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London

Sunday, January 30th, 2011

Just got back from London yesterday.  Un be lieveable.  I had such a great trip.

Top 8 experiences

1.  Anna Stewart (stylist extrordinaire) took me shopping and helped me find some awesome new clothes, quite

a blessing for someone who is fashion handicapped like me.

2.  Getting an earful of my mother tongue from signs, and people on the street.  As much as I love living abroad and speaking Danish, I love hearing different ways to use the English language.  So refreshing.

3.  The wife getting to buy some supplies for her jewelry.

4.  Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Starbucks coffee.  Dont judge me.

5.  Getting some cool press shots done and making a new friend (Anj, you are awesome).

6.  The best mexican food of my entire life.  omg…you have no idea

7.  Meeting new friends and having some good laughs.

8.  The architecture of the city.

Love love love love

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Lessons in Editing Lyrics

Monday, January 24th, 2011

When I was about 20 years old and writing songs, I had this “if the song isn’t finished in 1 hour than I quit” kind of policy.

There is a kernel wisdom to that.  Paul Simon once said that the best songs he ever wrote were written really fast.  So maybe thats true, but I am starting to enjoy the freedom of editing.

Editing or re-writing a lyric is what can take an o.k. song and make it outstanding.  In this respect, songwriters are so lazy compared to say, authors.

A good author will tell you that the editing process, while tedious at times, is a given.  You have to learn to edit your work.  Maybe not while you are creating it, but after the fires cool down, go back to it and be honest with yourself about what parts don’t hold water.  You will thank me later.

Here is a song I have been working on.  I had two songs, one I was calling “3 wishes” and the other I was calling “sad violin”.  I decided to really hammer both of these songs in the editing process.  Here is what I had before the editing.

1.   I had this line from a few months ago that went like this:

“I know a girl who will grant you three wishes”, but I never got any further with it.  A few months later, I made a verse  out of it.

2.  This is what I had after the initial idea and before the editing process.  The song is about a guy coping with the loss of a serious relationship by hooking up with some random girl basically.  Picture a slow Ryan Adams kind of track.

“I know a girl who will grant you three wishes

from her third floor apartment, she buzzes me in

she tells me her story, and by her own admission

she says she’s any man’s lover, but no man’s friend”

Not bad, but the girl in this little drama sounds like a prostitute, which I realized, wasn’t exactly what I wanted to say.  Plus that last line was kind of cheesy, I thought.

3.  Now, back to the other song I mentioned.

“Sad violin” is kind of synonymous with wanting pity from people.  I thought that was a cool idea for a song.  The chorus for this song was good, but the rest of the song was kind of vanilla.  Here was the chorus:

“I’m not trying to play  sad violin

I’m not trying to play  sad violin

I’m not trying to play you, I’m not trying to play

a sad violin”

Kind of cool.  Passable at least.

4. Here is where it gets messy.  Over the weekend, I got real about what parts of the song were lame, and I just killed myself editing.  I did nine drafts of this frankenstien-esque song.  So, here is what I got after several hours of pacing around, scratching out lines and feeling hopeless and clever in turn.

Verse 1

I know a girl who will grant you three wishes

from her third floor apartment, she buzzes me in

I climb up the stairwell, she shouts that “its open”

And though my footsteps are heavy

I feel like

I’m lost and I’m floating.

(I inserted a one liner pre-chorus here of “And I think of you”)

Chorus

Where’s the sad violins now?

Where’s the sad violins now?

Does it still count as a tragedy?   X2

(then the tag line)      ….when you do it to yourself   x2

I’m not totally done with it yet, but I think its a hell of a lot better and more evolved than the first bit.  So be encouraged, editing can really help.  It can also drive you crazy, but its better than my old “1 hour or quit policy”.

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